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See Those Trousers

from Sunny Bank Holiday Monday by Jim Woodland

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about

SEE THOSE TROUSERS
A good friend of mine woke up one day to discover he was in hospital having survived a stroke that had paralysed half his body. An escapologist, a fire eater a husband and a father. Now he looked across the hospital Ward at his clothes draped tidily across a chair. And he wondered how he would ever learn to put them on again.

lyrics

SEE THOSE TROUSERS

See those trousers over there. I know my trousers hate me.
Both my feet stuck in one leg I'm falling to the floor.
Have you seen my shoes and socks I know they try to bait me.
I can hear them laughing, I can't take it anymore.
Oh God that shirt! How I hate that bloody shirt!
It's got me in an arm lock and the bastard really hurts.

Sometimes I think I've had enough. That little button on the cuff
Is trying to send me insane. I know their little game.
But they will not get the best of me, today I will get dressed we'll see
my pants pulled up in victory today I will get dressed!

But last night I dreamed that I danced in the moonlight.
And my clothes they were dancing, they were dancing with me
And we flew around the room as we danced in the moonlight.
Then we tangled and tripped and I fell to my knees.

Calm down everybody this is nothing I can't handle.
Have you never seen a grown man strangled by a vest?
Now I've lost my underpants somewhere in the tangle.
Hurl myself up on the bed I need to take a rest.
My socks they are sadistic, and I must be masochistic.
And of all the stupid things I've ever risked I think this takes the biscuit.

But last night I dreamed that I danced in the moonlight.
And my clothes they were dancing, they were dancing with me
And we flew around the room as we danced in the moonlight.
Then we tangled and tripped and I fell to my knees.

Cornered by a cardigan, jostled by a jumper
Turned over by my trousers, I have wrestled with a vest
I've been hit by a hat and assaulted by an overcoat
Jumped on by a jacket and abused by all the rest.
I've been up-ended by my underpants and tickled by a t-shirt
tortured by a bow-tie, I've been booted by a shoe.
I've been battered by a button I've been wounded by a Wellington
Trampled by a tracksuit I've been zapped by my zip too.
I arrange my clothes upon a chair . It might be me that sitting there!
I tell them that I feel abused. I tell them that they stand accused
I tell them that it's bound to mention cruelty by clothes in the Geneva Convention.
Has anybody ever taken tight to the European court of human rights?

But last night I dreamed that I danced in the moonlight.
And my clothes they were dancing, they were dancing with me
And we flew around the room as we danced in the moonlight.
Then we tangled and tripped and I fell to my knees.

No that's just silly! Count to 10! Breath in calm down, now start again…
See those trousers over there I know my trousers hate me!
Both my feet stuck in one leg, I'm hopping round the room …

JIM WOODLAND (c)

credits

from Sunny Bank Holiday Monday, released September 3, 2020

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Jim Woodland UK

Hit & Run Street Theatre in the 1980's, Punk Band Red Rinse in the 90's, Fabulous Salami Brothers, Songwriter for Mikron Theatre and Blaize for 20 years, performing solo, and with the Anti-Capitalist Roadshow.
Political, social, emotional songs and plays. Watch this space. Latest collection here and back catalogue to follow. Welcome to Band Camp and on we go... ... more

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